Last week, we received some big, exciting news in my family…
My husband passed his seventh and final architecture licensing exam, marking a much anticipated end to an intense sixteen months of studying, and sacrifice from all of us!
It was definitely a moment when we took it all in, were so thankful for that one little word, “PASS,” and all that it meant for our family. We are still basking in the joy of this news, and we continue to realize more and more how great it is to have our daddy back!!
These kind of milestones are the easy ones to see and remember and be thankful for, right? We will remember that moment forever as a mark of accomplishment, joy and excitement for our family.
As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, it’s also a little easier to pause and remember some of the general things we are thankful for. My extended family always smiles, and sometimes groans playfully, when it’s my dad’s turn to say something he’s thankful for during our turkey dinner. He says the same thing every year! “I’m thankful for my wonderful family.” And he means it. Every year, he is not just saying that. He truly is thankful for our family and all of its craziness. If you’ve ever met him, you would know everything about us. He IS that proud grandpa who tells anyone he meets about his family. And of course, he always has pictures ready to share too!
Those are the big moments of thankfulness, right?
But, what about during the day to day grind? When life is busy, calendars are full, homework is due, there are deadlines at work, appointments to be made, sleepy kids who don’t want to wake up and get dressed for another school day–or at the other end–completely worn out kids who are overtired and beyond themselves, struggling to do the next thing during the bedtime routine, threatening to sap every last ounce of your energy that you wanted to save for meaningful conversation later with your husband? What about then? Is it possible to be thankful then?!
I keep talking and writing about wanting to choose joy…
How does that happen? How do I do that? Am I just writing all of this? Can I really live it?
I remember a time, early in my career. It was cold and flu season in pediatrics…the hardest, most intense time of all, when kids are miserable, and parents are tapped out, frustrated that this is the eighth illness their kid’s had this year–“There must be something else wrong with him, Dr. Can’t you fix him????” The stress is high, the schedule is overbooked, sometimes the illness has been passed on to you, and you are just trying to make it through the day so you can go home to sleep before waking up and doing it all over again. And this was before I had a husband or kids!! One night, I was blubbering in the midst of my exhaustion, to a wise friend. Even though he wasn’t able to fix my schedule or make the demands of my career any easier, he took a moment to challenge me to try to find one good thing in the midst of those trying days to be THANKFUL for…
And I did.
And they were there.
When I changed my focus…and turned away from my woes…and looked outside of myself…I saw those rays of light, the beauty amidst the darkness, the laughter amidst the fatigue and stress and illness.
They were there.
And it helped.
Each day I found one, then maybe two, then maybe three…
And they changed me. And they satisfied me. And they helped me to continue on.
I found joy…
I have been practicing pediatrics for almost twenty years now!?!? I’ve gotten used to the schedule, to the rhythm of the seasons of pediatrics–cold & flu, then well-check/school form season! My immune system is stronger. I don’t catch every illness that comes through (except from my own kids!!), and my days aren’t as difficult with the same stresses of before. But, with the advancement of time and seasons of life, new blessings have come along–a husband, a son, another son, and another son… new expectations, and new requirements for the ever sought after “balance” between work and home, between being a wife and a mother and a friend and a sister and a daughter and a leader and a writer?
And again comes the thought…How do I choose joy?
And I remember…
To look for the moments…no matter how tiny or how hidden or how twisted out of their ideal shape…to look for those moments in the midst of our pain and struggles…to be THANKFUL for…
Again they are here…
During those days at my job when I hear one thing after another about how medicine is changing and we need to meet this guideline, and make this budget cut, and work with this insurance company, and choose this drug instead of that one…And when, because of one of those budget cuts, I have to say goodbye to one of the best, most talented nurses I have ever worked with in my entire career, it is hard to step into that next patient room and into that next encounter trying to be as fresh and as untarnished as I was when I first started medicine…I can’t do that on my own. But then the Lord provides…I walk into the room and find a half naked 6 month old showing off her new toothy grin…or a 1 yr old, babbling away, looking at a book upside down, as she “reads” the story to herself, joyfully pointing at all of the pictures…or a 5 yr old who replies as I’m asking his mom, “has he been exposed to chicken pox?”, “I like chicken!!” Or even better, I walk into an intense room with a patient with ADHD or autism and a mom or dad with that look that I’ve had a million times myself–the look that reads, “I just need an ounce of encouragement, or I’m going to lose it!” And I know, that because I’ve been there, I can truly understand and speak to them from my heart. During all of those moments, I instantly smile, and am THANKFUL, and feel joy, and am able to carry on seeing patients and doing what I’ve felt called to do…
Or when, before my husband’s final test is taken and passed, we are facing the last week of intense study and time with daddy away from home. As always the kids are acting up, all of our patience is thin, we are snippy and snappy and snarl impatient words at each other…the culture of the house as we try to persevere…but then my husband texts me to tell me that one of the pastors of our church, just called him out of the blue to see how he was doing. He had prayed with him at church a few days before and my husband had just been on his mind, so he thought he would call to check in (Call! Not text or email or send a Facebook message…CALL!) And through my husband’s words telling me about this call, I could feel the power of the renewed hope in his own heart from the encouragement this man had given him, helping him to feel known and loved and cared for…
And because he felt that way, I felt that way…and was able to be THANKFUL, and feel joy, and was able to carry on caring for the house and our kids for a little while longer…
Or when, our autistic son’s after school program caregiver, emailed to tell us about yet another poop accident after school, which instantly sends a sinking shameful punch to your belly, in a way that no other news does…
But later when I talked to her in person, her voice and smile and countenance carried no air of annoyance or disgust or frustration. Instead, she excitedly told us about how resilient our son is, and how truly carefree he walks through the halls, waving excitedly to those he knows on his way by. He’s not upset…she’s not upset…why should I be upset?
I pause to be THANKFUL for this special angel the Lord has provided for our family who truly loves our sweet, resilient boy…and I feel joy, and am able to carry on…
As I get the next message from our principal about another son, who is in his office for the third time in the past few weeks, after making yet another impulsive foolish choice, and my heart sinks again, sad for my son, since I know this is not truly him or the way that he wants to behave. Tears well up as I wait to hear what he did this time, and instead am amazed again by this special principal with his unending patience for these kids, his true desire to help them learn from their mistakes, and his wisdom in the way he speaks to them, building their character along the way. It is hard, yet I am THANKFUL again for this man the Lord has provided to help guide all three of our boys through their school journeys, and I feel joy, and am able to carry on…
As I am in contact with our son’s doctor, his therapist, and his teacher, trying to make sense of all that is happening with these medicine changes and the frustrating effects they have had on his behaviors and his progress and the turmoil it has caused our family…and his therapist asks a clarifying question, “Is he sleeping?”, and I am able to pause and be so THANKFUL that yes, he is sleeping…all of his bedtime fears are gone, and he is sleeping, and all of us are sleeping. We may have struggles during the waking hours, but unlike many other families I know who are struggling with these same issues on little to no sleep, we are sleeping. And I am THANKFUL, and am able to pause and take joy in this gift I may not have otherwise noticed, that the Lord has quietly provided…and I am able to carry on…
As I have begun again to look for these little moments, it was even more amazing to rejoice in this last moment we were able to see as our son, struggling with all of these med changes, literally bouncing from one thought/activity to the next, comes down the stairs looking for one last piece of track to add to his latest hot wheels creation, and then comes flying back up, pauses, and says in a moment of amazing clarity, looking straight into my husband’s eyes, “I’m just so proud of you, Dad, for passing your test! I mean, it’s just so cool, that now you can come home, and you don’t have to study! You can just PLAY if you want to!!!”
And tearfully, we were able to pause (ok, we were actually speechlessly stunned into pausing!) and be THANKFUL, and feel joy, and are able to carry on into this next new chapter in our family’s life…
We are thankful expectantly…
“Joy” in the Bible is often used to describe celebration after realizing or remembering something the Lord has brought his people through. The Lord is often reminding his people to look back–to remember the Lord who made them, to remember all He has saved them from, or to remember what He has carried them through. Isaiah 51:1,3, “Listen to me…look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the quarry from which you were dug…For the Lord comforts Zion {his people}; joy and gladness will be found in her {his people}, thanksgiving and the voice of song.” Verse 11, “And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion {his people} with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”
Verse 12-13, “I, I am He who comforts you; who are you that you are afraid…and have forgotten the Lord, your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, and you fear continually all the day…”
When we forget…when we again turn inward to all of our woes and frustrations and challenges… when we forget to look for Him who loves us and made us…
Then we fear and despair and life is truly hard.
But..
When we REMEMBER the Lord, we can be THANKFUL expectantly…
When we choose to pause and be THANKFUL for what He has given us, or what He has brought us out of or carried us through…
We can expect to see & feel JOY!
Isaiah 52:8-9 “…together they sing for joy; for eye to eye they see the return of the Lord to Zion. Break forth together into singing…for the Lord has comforted his people; he has redeemed Jerusalem.”
He will always be with you behind and before…
Isaiah 51:12 “for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.”
Happy Thanksgiving!
I CHOOSE JOY!!
But it did not fall... 