For anyone with an upcoming IEP meeting…here is my best advice (mostly as mom, maybe a little pediatrician thrown in 😉)
“Pre-game”:
#1 Have a team of friends/family members or whomever you have in your life who “gets it”, be praying for your meeting—both beforehand, during, and after; or at least who promises to just KNOW you are going through it and who promises to be thinking about you during the meeting, and be available for you after the meeting, IF you feel like talking about it.
#2 Think of EVERY possible great thing you love about your kid! EVERY strength they have! EVERY way you’ve seen them grow over the past year…even if it’s in the babiest of steps! ❤️ And KEEP those thoughts forefront in your mind for the full 24 hrs before as you eat, sleep, breathe, dream, AND during the actual meeting…especially when assessment test scores are being spewed into the air! 😉 Always remember, your kid is definitely NOT just a number!
#3 Try to think about questions you have for the team, goals you may have for your kids—academically, socially, or personally. And believe the best of your team before going in—that they want your kid to do well and succeed too! And always remember YOU, as the parent, are an expert part of the team as well!!! Finally WRITE DOWN these questions/goals, so you don’t forget them the day of the meeting.
#4 Try to schedule the meeting itself for a time when you don’t have to jump back into real life immediately following the meeting. If you do have to go back to work or back to parenting, try to schedule at least a half hour or hour of breathing/processing time. Unfortunately, you may come out RAW! The often sad, hard nature of these meetings is having to focus on the deficits in order to create the goals. It is another form of grief that hits you right between the eyes sometimes if you aren’t ready for it! It’s ok to have ANY emotion afterward, or even ALL of them all jumbled up—sad, mad, angry, exhausted, thankful, blessed, encouraged—rotate and repeat!! 😜
#5 Prepare physically—get enough sleep the night before, eat something beforehand and avoid too much coffee! 😬 Wear waterproof mascara and put some tissues in your pocket just in case! 😘
“Game Day!” 🏅
#6 Walk in confidently and joyfully! Remember, YOU are a very valuable member of the team. Your voice matters! And even more importantly, your kid MATTERS!! 🥰 He or she is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139). You and the team may just have to work extra hard to figure out what makes him/her “tick”, and what supports he/she may need to be at their best, to learn the way their brains prefer/need to learn, and to translate to the team what their behaviors may be saying/screaming/shouting! All kids want to do their best “when they are able to!” (Pediatrician brain talking here…) The longer I work with kids/families, the more I think the traditional way we have done school for years on end, really only fits easily for a small percentage of kiddos!! All the rest need a little tweaking to make it their own! ❤️ (And hats off to education researchers who are discovering all of these different ways to learn/teach!)
“Post-game” 😅
#7 The next time you see your beautiful kiddo—whether at the school or at home, take an extra minute to hug them/love them/celebrate them/really see them! They are a gift! They may be a little trickier to figure out sometimes and might not always feel like a gift 😜, but they are a gift! And they need you to see them, and be for them, and to know you are in their corner. 😍
#8 When you have a minute, circle back to someone on your own team (see #1) to let them know how it went—good or bad. Let them love on you a little! Hopefully, if you’ve found the right “someone”, they will just “sit with you in it” for a bit, and let you unpack it and process it, or rejoice with you if it went well. 🎉
And if you don’t have a “someone who gets it,” please know that I get it!! This pediatrician mama “gets it” more than you know!! 💟 I see you. I see your kiddo. I see you both trying so hard. I see the mistakes, the heartbreaks, and the tiny little wins!! And I will be celebrating my heart out with you as we string those wins together!! 🎉💜🎉 You are not alone…and you’ve got this!!! 🙏🏻 (And I will be praying the Lord brings into your life a “someone who gets it”!)
Psalm 31:7
[7] I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul…” ✝️
P.s. Feel free to share WIDELY with anyone who may need to read this!! It would be my honor!
But it did not fall... 